There's no question a belief in God would come in handy. It would be great to think there's a plan, and that everything happens for a reason. I don't happen to believe that. And every time one of my friends says to me, "Everything happens for a reason," I would like to smack her. --Nora Ephron

This past week when I was on Facebook, I began seeing multiple posts from someone I used to work with--I'll call her Mary--in which she was sharing photos of her two-year-old son. Mary is not someone I see often on FB, however occasionally she posts pics of her children, and when I began seeing these pictures of her son more frequently, I thought nothing of it. I simply "liked" them for their amazing cuteness, and since there were no descriptions accompanying them, I scrolled on down to the next item. Then yesterday I was absolutely horrified to see her tagged in a post by one of her friends which explained that Mary had tragically lost her son in an accident.

I am sixteen years out from losing my own child to leukemia, so my first instinct was to reach out to Mary and try to offer some words of comfort. Ultimately I did offer her an ear if she needs one, but really, what kind of comfort can I possibly offer? She and her husband are in the deepest, blackest of holes, enduring the worst emotional pain a person can endure, and honestly, what do I know of her grief? Sure, I know more than most people because I've also lost a child. But what do I really know of her personal grief and the loss she has suffered? I don't know what it's like to lose a child in the manner Mary lost her precious little boy.

I would like to tell her that, for some time, her older child will be the only thing that gets her out of bed each day, so she should be exceedingly grateful to still have her; not that her daughter can in any way serve as a replacement for her beautiful boy, but she will give Mary a reason for living. Because in truth, on most of the days immediately ahead of her, she won't want to live.

Then I stop and think, "Grateful? She should be grateful?" That's about as dumb-ass a sentiment as saying everything happens for a reason.

I clearly remember a day a few years after my daugher passed away, when I received a phone call from a friend who was close to hysterics. Through sobs, she shared how her daughter had been killed in a car accident. Someone blew through a stop sign, slamming into their car and her daughter was thrown from the vehicle. She didn't know what to do. She needed me to tell her how to get through, how she was going to survive her loss. I was the only person she knew who could tell her, and there was such urgent desperation in her voice. I'm sure those weren't her exact words, but that was the gist of her plea.

I was dumbfounded, speechless, paralyzed by my ineptitude. There simply were no words, only my heart shredding into a million little pieces for my friend. I'm sure I must have offered some empty platitudes, but really, what can one say except, "I'm sorry, and I'm here for you"?

Everything happens for a reason. I believed that once. I don't anymore. Well, I guess it all depends on what day you ask me, but I certainly never say it aloud these days. And I mean no disrespect to those who do believe that, or think that God has a plan. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I still have a strong belief in God; I'm just not so sure He plays such an active hand in our lives as we'd like to think. Yes, God is good, but prayers go unanswered all the time, and the idea that He answers the prayers of some and not others doesn't sit well with me. I do know life can be cruel, and the older I get, I personally feel it's all a crap shoot. Everyone thinks that losing a child, or experiencing some other calamity, is something that happens to other people but never to you. Until it happens to you.

I've wasted years of my life mired in the "why's" and can't help but slip back into them when something like this happens. Each time I see another picture or video of Mary's little boy, whose life was cut much too short, there's this screaming in my head. "WHY?????" We see countless memes online about how adversity only makes us stronger. I say screw that noise. There may be some truth in the adversity/strength argument, but I can guarantee you that Mary would much rather have her darling angel by her side than any strength she will gain from such devastating loss.

When David Bowie died a few months ago, I came across several posts in which bloggers expressed the significance of his music in their lives. Though I have several of my own Bowie favorites, and like everyone else was shocked by his passing, his music was never really a powerful part of my life.

However, the loss of Prince... this one hits hard.

I vaguely remember some of his hits from when I was a kid, "I Wanna Be Your Lover" standing out in my mind. I would have been eleven or twelve, and I distinctly recall the first time I saw his face on an album cover in Warehouse Records. It wouldn't be until high school that I became a fan, but something about the face on that cover drew my attention and I was intrigued by his androgynous looks. Despite the hair on his chest and the mustache, he gave off an unmistakable feminine vibe.

About three years later, other singles were making the charts such as "1999", "Little Red Corvette", and "Delirious", all of which I liked but he was still kind of under my radar for the most part.

Then Purple Rain happened. O...M...G! Don't get me wrong, I fully realize that one of the main reasons the album Purple Rain had such an impact on me was because of its timing. It came out right as I started high school, and this thing was huge. And honestly, if it wasn't for the movie--that cheesy ass movie--I don't know if I would have ever become the Prince fan I became.

I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure I didn't buy the album until after I saw the film. The music on that soundtrack was so different than anything else I'd heard. Purple Rain made me take a closer look at Prince, and I was hooked.

Those who knew me in high school know I was kinda reserved and modest, at least compared to the theater crowd I ran with. I recall being at a party, all of us watching that movie, and the heat rising to my face during a particularly racy scene. And the number "Darling Nikki"? That was a seriously naughty song!

But I think my favorite song from the album is "The Beautiful Ones". I will always remember the scene when he sings to Apollonia while Morris Day sits beside her, asking her to choose between the two of them. What girl would not die to have the man she loves sing those words to her? And the passion with which he sang it....Drool! (If you don't feel like watching the whole thing, forward to 3:20.)

So yeah, his music was a huge part of my youth and high school memories. And because of Prince, Morris Day's music was kind of big there for a while. Below is a picture of me and friends at the Hawaiian Dance in 1985, where we danced our little tushies off to "Jungle Love" by Morris Day and the Time. That's me in the bottom right.

One thing I am very thankful for is I did have the opportunity to see him live about fifteen years ago. Tickets to his concert were the most I'd ever paid to see anyone, and my friend and I ended up having to leave a little early because I was experiencing girl cramps that night that nearly had me on my knees. (Stupid girl cramps!) But anyway, I didn't really know what to expect from him in concert. Because he was so reserved, I always wondered if that reservedness was arrogance, and half expected him to have a bit of an attitude on stage. Not the case. He was one of the most gracious performers I've ever seen, and I feel blessed that I was given the experience of his music live.

So I'd like to thank him for being part of  the wonderful memories of my youth I will forever hold dear, and for gifting the world with his brilliance.

​Goodnight, sweet Prince.

After publishing this post, I had to add this clip from the Jimmy Fallon Show in which he shares his experience playing ping pong with Prince. This is a must see. The good part starts around 6:00. :)

First Round - Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
My family helped me choose this song and come up the concept of the performance. They were the ones who thought I should be sitting on one of the big bouncy balls. It was my idea to enlist two of my students to join me so I could beat the crap out of them with it. Heh heh. I thought I had the version where the music track was placed over the original sound, but I was mistaken. You can totally hear the boys cracking up in this.

Second Round - Single Ladies by Beyonce
This one is my favorite of the three. I love how our TV production teacher, who is the backup dancer on the left, made the video resemble Beyonce's by making it black and white. And the comic relief my colleagues provided with their dancing is absolutely priceless. It will be tough to top this one next year if you ask me.

Final Round - Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars
This one is my least favorite, simply because we tried to go too big by moving through the building, so with all the splicing that was required, the music track doesn't match the video. Bummer. However, the kids are super cute! Pay special attention to the little guy in the red shirt on the left at the end of the video. The dude's got some moves!

Thanks for reading! To return to the FICTION WRITERS BLOG HOP on Julie Valerie’s website, click here: http://www.julievalerie.com/fiction-writers-blog-hop-mar-2016

I've finally finished the third book in the Fortytude series and it will be heading to my magnificent proofreader Wendy Janes in April. Unfortunately, this one took me a little longer to complete than anticipated, so I'm excited to release.

One of the funnest parts of releasing a new book is creating a playlist to go along with it. I've always enjoyed including musical references in my novels, and Harmony to Heartburn — whose release is scheduled for May-ish — is no exception. (If you'd like to read the book's description, just go to my Home Page.)

In this post I've included little teasers related to each selection. I'd love to know which song is your fave!

     “I’d like to thank everyone for coming tonight,” Carly begins. “Dad, Richard… Jason and Claire have prepared a little duet for the two of you to celebrate your anniversary, and we hope you enjoy it.” She bends over to speak to Claire. “Go ahead, sweetie.”
     Then my musically brilliant granddaughter begins to play. It takes me a few moments to recognize the melody is “A Thousand Years”—that song from one of the Twilight movies. She performs flawlessly for about a minute or so when her dad takes over on the keys and she begins singing the words. Granted, her singing isn’t nearly as good as her playing, but her innocent voice coupled with her father on the piano is quite simply one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.
     Luke and Richard are still as statues, tightly gripping each other’s hand with their sights on Claire. Soon their eyes are moistening, along with my own. As I scan the room, there is not a dry eye in the place. Guests are wiping their faces, sniffling and chuckling with embarrassment.
     When the lyrics are over, Jason relinquishes the keys to Claire, and the room is spellbound by the notes coming forth from those tiny fingers. Though I’ve heard her play many times, I always seem to forget how truly gifted she is.
     At last, the song ends and everyone applauds as Luke makes a beeline for Claire and scoops her into his arms.
     “Happy Anniversary, Poppy,” she says. “I kind of messed up on some of the words.”
     “You were perfect, Claire Bear,” Luke answers. Richard stands beside them and smooths her hair with a trembling hand, and immediately lowers it to his side. Then there’s this weird moment when they’ve become aware I’m watching. Though Richard looks downward, Luke meets my eyes with a pained gaze before setting Claire down.

     We’ve been listening to Hindi music all evening, but the selection now playing happens to be a particularly sensual instrumental with a slow heady combination of drums, violin, and sitar.
     We stand face to face, but say nothing. As his fingers lightly skim my shoulder and run down the length of my arm, he briefly scans my body from head to toe. My breath comes heavier and I wonder why I suddenly feel like a teenager about to be kissed for the first time.
     His hand takes its time finding its way around my waist, his fingertips gently pressing into the small of my back. While I wrap my arm around his shoulder, Kiran’s other hand collects mine and leads it to his chest, holding it there. His every movement is mindful, deliberate, as his eyes focus on mine; though occasionally his gaze strays to my hair, my mouth.
     I’m not sure I’ve ever felt as cherished as I do in this moment, and the simple act of swallowing becomes difficult. Slowly we begin to move to the music, and though there are still several inches separating our bodies, there’s an exhilarating heat in my belly pleading with me to move closer.
     I don’t. As long as I’m the object of such adoration, I’m unable to.

*This song has a really long opening -- too long, IMO -- but it was my inspiration while writing this scene. Jump to about two minutes in.*

     Seth sees us from the opposite end of the room and waves us over, and I can’t help but admire the dancing skills of some of the couples as we make our way toward him. That’s when I spot Dad dancing with the woman I assume Seth was referring to, and he’s surprisingly good. Watching the two of them instead of where I’m going, I bump into someone’s table and apologize for being so clumsy.
     “I am so sorry, Anna!” Gretchen jumps out of her seat when we reach their table. “This is all my fault.”
     “Oh please! Don’t apologize for including him in your plans. I’m still not even sure if I should be here, but I didn’t want you guys feeling like he was your responsibility.”
     “Well, if it makes you feel any better, he’s not behaved… inappropriately with this woman.” Gretchen peers past me. “He’s just having a good time.”
     Aghhh! I do not want to be here having this conversation. Mom and Dad are “on a break,” and I don’t even know what the ground rules are for this break.
     “But this woman,” she continues. “It’s obvious she’s into your dad.”
​     Seth scrunches his face and looks behind him to see if Dad has noticed me yet. He hasn’t. He’s now doing some kind of shimmy thing with his shoulders that looks nothing like salsa, and the woman circles him, trailing her fingers over his arms, his back. Definitely not something I’m up for viewing.

     While I chat with Carly and Geena, Kiran has been enjoying drinks with his father and Seth. When Geena looks past me and her eyes grow large, naturally I turn to see what has drawn her attention. Kiran now stands at the karaoke machine, touching the screen to scroll through the list of songs.
     “Umm…” I’m at a loss for words at first, trying to take in what I’m seeing. Kiran’s been known to let his guard down after a few cocktails, but this I would never have anticipated. “Is he trying to find a song for someone else? Or is he actually going to sing?”
​     Geena gives no reply, her mouth slightly parted in what I can only assume is shock.
     As the music begins, it’s clear that he has no intention of handing the microphone over to someone else. After clearing his throat he offers the room a wide, intoxicated grin.
     “Oh my God. He’s really going to do it.” Mechanically, I bring my glass to my lips.
     In old Rat Pack style, he holds his drink in one hand and the mic in the other as he begins his serenade, eyes on me. “Some-day, when I’m aw-ful-ly low…”
     A sip of wine gets trapped in my mouth as I slowly blink at Gina, and I’m afraid to swallow it. Her face is just hilarious, as I’m sure is mine.

​     Luke slides down in his seat and closes his eyes. “This is nice, reminiscing about old times. We’ve had a lot of fun memories together, haven’t we?”
     “And tonight will be one more we can add to the list.”
     I give him a friendly pat on the leg, but when I go to draw my hand away, he covers it with his and holds it there. He opens his eyes with an innocent grin before squeezing my fingers and releasing them.
     Returning his smile, I take a sip of my drink.
     “You were heavy into Depeche Mode for a while. I remember,” he says.
     I was. I loved their broody, often sensual sound. However, a couple of songs on my cassettes I wouldn’t listen to because they creeped me out a little. “Yeah, I went through a phase where I had some serious fantasies about Dave Gahan.”
     “You and me both.”
     I smack him in the arm. “You did not... Wait, did you?”
     “I’m kidding! I wasn’t even out to myself at that point.”
     “Oh yeah. Well, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. That voice. And those eyes! Even though he was such a string bean.”

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Today I'm on the Archaeolibrarian blog, sharing a typical day in my fascinating life. And yes, that is said with a hefty dose of sarcasm.

Today I'm on the Unabridged Andra blog talking about my vacillating outlook on aging. Come see us!

Come join me on BooksChatter today where I share my playlist for Vegas to Varanasi and we do a Q&A. I love the way they put it together! :D